To Celebrity With Love- Please Scratch Your Bum Urgently!

photo of person peeking through the hole

Dear Celebrity,

It has been days since my boss has ordered me to stand outside your home and report of any untoward event or new development that can be reported. I have watching you day in and day out but you have done nothing new.

I know we have photographs of you in different poses, (even noses) and dresses. We have clicked pictures of you fighting with your wife, son, daughter and even your rumoured (half or full) girlfriend. We have even clicked photos of you when you talked with food in your mouth. All that has been published, commented upon and liked by your fans and the people who pretend to hate you. But now we cannot keep publishing these pictures anymore because our readers know more about your life than you yourself would. I am desperate because the deadline for submission is upon me. Hence I have a request to make.

Tomorrow, when you step out of your house, I request you to please stop for a second (in the range of the hidden camera) and just scratch your bum. You don’t have to do anything else. Just scratch your bum and let me capture that moment. Trust me, that is all I need to keep my audience hooked…on to you. It will not only increase your visibility but also give people something to talk about. They will wonder whether you scratched your bum because it was itching or because of your illfitting pants. Some of them may even say that your wife kicked your butt, its paining and that is why you are scratching it. It doesn’t matter as long as we get the likes.

Think about it. I need a picture and you need an issue and the nation needs a debatable topic. Its a win-win for all stakeholders. Hence, please scratch your bum at 9 am tomorrow. Please ensure that you do it at dot 9 am else someone else will get that million dollar shot and I will be out of a job.

Thank you!

In anticipation,