BREAKING NEWS: Employment Rate in India crosses the 100% mark- NLS

A recent report has revealed that since the lockdown, the employment rate in India has been increasing steadily. According to a Nonsense Level Survey conducted by Nonsense Times in association with Nothing To Do Department (NTDD), the youth of India are happily employed despite their return to their home towns and villages. Nonsense Times talked to a senior official in the Human Resources and Development Section (HRDS) in NTDD to know more about this development! Although the official was very proud of this accomplishment, he insisted on maintaining his anonymity.

Here are some exerpts from the interview.

Nonsense Times Correspondent: Congratulations on achieving a 100 percent employment rate in India!

Senior Official: Thank you!

Nonsense Times Correspondent: How did you manage to achieve this feat in these COVID times?

Senior Official: Oh! It was quite easy. We conducted surveys in many towns and cities. These were all online surveys where we found that most people like to browse their mobile phones for hours on end. So, we decided to use this employ the masses.

Nonsense Times Correspondent: Oh! So now you are employing people to conduct surveys using their phones?

Senior Official: No! We don’t want to conduct any surveys any longer. Actually, our budget for surveys has been exhausted. But we still managed to employ the youth before exhausting the budget! (laughs)

Nonsense Times Correspondent: So, have you created a lot of Work From Home jobs? What kind of jobs to people prefer now-a-days?

Senior Official: No way! We ourselves don’t work in the office, how will we create Work From Home jobs? The peon in our office, Alsi Ram watches movies on the mobile all day long. Some times, the movies and programmes are so interesting that the entire office watches with him. Time passes so quickly that before we know it is time to go home. You don’t know but Alsi Ram is an engineer by education. So, we decided that if this can work for a peon, it can work for the public too!

Nonsense Times Correspondent: (scratching his head) But, there has been no scheme for giving mobiles to people?

Senior Official: Ah! Why should we give mobiles? Every Tom, Dick and Harry has a mobile these days. We just introduced a lot of free programmes, soaps, serials and movies that people can watch! They are now happily employed in watching all the new and old shows while we keep killing the mosquitoes and flies in our office with our bare hands!

Nonsense Times Correspondent: Ah! So the employment rate has shot up because people are happily employed in watching programmes and movies on their mobiles?

Senior Official: (laughs) Brilliant idea! Isn’t it? That is the true meaning of this term. How well can you employ people peacefully! We understood this with Alsi Ram. When he is busy watching movies on his mobile, he does not want food or paan or even bribes! When we tell him to do something, he does it without even arguing about it! So, it is the best way to employ our youth! Now if you will excuse me! It is time for my favorite serial Ramayan!

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